insane-tomato:

“Trick or Yeet!” I shout to the children when I open the door. “Yeet?” one says confusidly. I shrug. “Yeet it is.” I throw the child.

truereset:

some of you have never treated a cat with enough love and kindness to experience their adoration and trust and it shows

benepla:

Not to turn mental illness into relatable content but is there anything more hilarious then spending an entire day vamping up to do something like spending ALL day thinking about it and putting it off and dreading it and then you finally, FINALLY do it and it takes 6 seconds and you realize that was your whole day plan

wlwriot:

wlwriot:

wlwriot:

Today I called a girl homophobic as a joke and she almost started crying

She said “my neighbors are a lesbian couple! I’m the least homophobic person you’ll ever meet”

I said “Kelsea I’m really sorry I hurt your feelings but I need you to know that homophobic people can have lesbian neighbors” and she just got even more distraught and said “I’ve been inside their house and I wasn’t even afraid or anything”

AFRAID OF WHAT??

colorofinsanity:

dare-i-say-asexual:

i remember when i thought i was straight and this guy i was dating was trying to pressure me into sex while i had cramps by saying “orgasms relieve cramps babe” and without thinking i replied “but you don’t make me cum” and i have never seen anyone go through the seven stages of grief so quickly

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